Spaghetti, vodka & a...

And so, my brief was answered.

The proposal was a pre-launch campaign in a form of an on-ground activation. Brilliantly planned idea. Gotta admit, suits are slowly taking over the role of creatives.

A day before, my buds were planning to have steamboat. I asked her to tag along and do the birthday activation on the next day instead. It was one of the very few times I brought a girl out on a "couple only" outings. At least I can loudly say now, I am not a light bulb!

Came the night, and I went to picked her up. Got in the condo compound and made my way to the parking near her block. Apparently, I was at the GM of Porsche's spot. That's an added value to Slow White Poke, no?

While waiting, she beeped.



"Wanna do something crazy?"

"How crazy?"

"Let's go Malacca!"



If I were younger, I would probably reject the offer. Even stop at "crazy" for all I know. Guess I lost out of being young, I started... craving for these kinda random craziness at an older age. It must be mid-midlife crisis kicking in. It must be...

Excitedly, I texted away...










"Let's do it!"



Not long later, we hit the highway heading south.

The journey was overwhelming for me. Her perfume. The smell of her shampoo. And the aroma of a home-cook meal. Made the night driving a tad more pleasant. Not to mention, her songs compilation in her iPad, those little small talks and laughs, and the ciggy-sharing along the way.

At one point, she blew her own cover of making me spaghetti!

Oopsie... now we know.





We reached Jonker Street nearly 10. Scaled the stretch scouting for munchies before stopping at a small bar along the stream. The night breeze and the smell of the river are so soothing. Maybe, it's the companion.

Had my spaghetti overseeing the reflections. You still wanna ask how it tasted!? It's great! A little salty, though. Nevertheless, it's pork, it's stimulating to the taste bud, it's orgasmic!

After a bucket of stouts, I looked over my Tissot, it's already after 2. We decided to spent the night at her friend's place. We took turn to shower. And she offered her gym singlet to me. A little girlish, but what the heck! It's so comfy!

I poured some Smirnoff to the remaining of the Coke we bought earlier. Continued the night with more chats, teases, and giggles. And it got tipsier by the second. I was subtly playing with her fingers, calf, feet, and toes.

The next minute I know, we were just breathing inches away...






























Yes. It involved lots of lips, tongues, and saliva.

For the longest time, it was hell of a roller coaster ride - I know what you're thinking - but, no! Not sex. It's the state of mind. One moment, I was sober as fuck like I've never touched any alcohol. The next, it felt like blacking out. Wobbly. Spinning. Warping, even.

And it was so magical!



It doesn't matter who stole whose kiss, knowing I opened my eye to not a dream.

And I came home fighting hard not to show my grin.

Job briefs

That's how we talk.

I was poking on Facebook. There's this one girl that caught my eye. So I looked through her photos. Then, her info - it was one of the most detailed profile one could possibly put up. And the thing about me is, if there is nothing better than a mere "Hi!", I wouldn't even bother.

Scanned her details, grabbed 3 lines, and penned a story.

It was short, and I wasn't expecting a reply.





After two days, I woke up with a bitten bait.

What surprised me was when she mentioned, "creative copy" while thanking me. That's a jargon only ad people use... wait, wait... is she in advertising? And I hope I'm not talking to a copywriter, or a suit - they are extremely hostile when art directors write. Being a grammar Nazi is one of it. We also annoy them with our writing to some extend. Some.

She gave me a brief. Came with terms like, "tone & manner", "direction", "big idea", et cetera. Now... she is in advertising! The "client", gave me work on my off day. Come on, lah! But it's definitely a fun to-do!

What's the brief about? Getting to know her better.

I scanned her details again over the week to grasp some ideas, and started writing after couple of days. As I was halfway writing the "ad", "client" changed "brief". Not the first time, though. And I've actually lost count the number of times she changed her profile. After the millionth time, I just fuck it. I wrote the ad based on her initial info, from my memory.

I sent my TV script in a form of a cheesy, 3-minute infomercial.

She bought the idea! And I was required for a preso!





The presentation is held on the coming weekend.

I got the meet-up mixed up. If I can coin the term "meex up", I would.

I was waiting for her at the supermarket. Yeah, yeah, I know! But there's a cafe at the supermarket - I asked the information counter, okay! But the meeting is at a proper restaurant, that goes by the same name!

After half an hour, I thought I was fucked on a date. And the line was so bad I can't even text! Breathe in, breathe in - everything's gonna be fine, Birthmark - now, breathe out, breathe out...

I asked for the WiFi code at the café, and dropped her a message in WhatsApp. Fuck! Really!? Wrong place ar!? I grabbed my stuff and paced my way to the Italian. I was so embarrassed. And I think I was blushing. Hope she didn't notice.

It was a great meal! We had a few pints too.

Being me, I was rather quiet - all dates' public enemy no. 1 - but the beers did help.

One chat led to another, she asked about my birthday. In fact, it's just less than a week's time. And since she knows how to cook... a little, I shot my brief to her! Ha! Ambik 'gkau! Backfire!

Nah, I wasn't expecting for a gift. But just toying with the idea of job briefs. You know, a client being a client. A nice one. Well, maybe a little nasty.

Yeah. That's how we talked.

Quickie

There's only so much I can do.

Got a brief for a :15 TVC cutdown. Fifteen! One. Five.

Every part of it is important! The story. The close-up shot. The consumption. And not to forget, the last 3-second of mandatory - product shot, masthead, Facebook page icon, and corporate sign off - and still, client complained there are not long enough!

What's the point of having a 15-second? Might as well do a montage slides than wasting airtime. It's like having sex without foreplay.

We already have a :20 cutdown.

I remember hearing every single person who are involved in this project had at any one time, cursed at it. I'm not aware if I've blurted out any "fucks" looking at the commercial for the 3,564,164.3th time. Under my breath, maybe.

I've timed every single storyboards I've made. If Tissot has a prize for the most presses on the stopwatch function, I could've won something.

Before I bleed my eyes to death, I made a rough cut on my own. Yeah, this is it. Not gonna look at it again.

How does it look? Saying it a quickie was rather underrated.

Imagine you're having one of the most passionate sex, and you're about to reach an intense orgasm, your legs cramp.

Itu macam lah...

The piggy bank

It's really a pig. No, I'm serious.

She even has a name. Again, I'm serious.

Bought it with an ex during the Year of Pig. There are 3 sizes. We opt for the largest - twice larger than average melons. We named her PiPi. Explanation upon selected request only. Request form at the bottom, 30 working days to reply.

We treated it like a "baby". It was so serious to a point, she warned me if any one of us broke it, we are through. Embarrassing stories. I'm blushing even by just thinking of it.

I got the custody when we part ways. PiPi was so well fed, we can't even nudge it. And that's only halfway. What's more, she was placed at the top of the wardrobe. Moving her would not be practical.

When we started, it was with random coins. After a while, we thought smaller amount don't make much difference - we decided to put in only 50 sen coins.










Five years later... *voice over by Morgan Freeman*



The coins were popping out the slot. And that was early of the year. Decided to change it before Bank Negara say the old coins cannot be used any more. Remember our MYR1 gold coins?

It's even harder to move it now. Moreover, to bring it down. Carrying it over the shoulder - though I'm not good in gauging weights - it definitely feels like carrying a bag of rice. It may sounds fun, but I have no intention to break the piggy bank - I still wanna use it for the new 50 sen coins...

It was so heavy and densed, it broke upon arrival on the mattress. The weight crushed the bottom of the ceramic into powdery substance.

The first night, I stopped at 500. All 50 sen. Sis helped me with the rest. After day 3, I have over a thousand Ringgit.

R-I-P-PiPi.

Mindfucked chat

Remember my friend, Lei San San?

Besides annoying me with her "questions", another level of her mental torture are the random changes of topic. So fast and prompt, yet looked relevant at first.

We were chatting in Facebook the other day. She was stuck with the template in eBay.



"I still have no idea how to use eBay."

"Explore slowly lah..."

"Have to lor! But if I still don't know, can I ask you?"

"Er... I don't even know anything about eBay. I can't help much..."

"I mean, I will use Adobe to do the layout. If I still don't know, I'll ask you."



Oh! So she's asking about Adobe lah! Then this came right after.



"I send photo to you, okay?"

"Er... okay?"



She sent it through Whatsapp while still chatting in Facebook. So, I guess I'll have to transfer the photo from my phone to the computer before I can do any touch up?



"I got that. What you want me to help with?"



Oh! She just wanna share her baby's photo lah...

Really? I mean, really?

Chat emotion

The most commonly overused, sometimes, abused term on the Internet is "LOL". To those of you who still doesn't know what LOL is, you have my 5 minutes of silence. May you rest in peace.

LOL. Laugh out loud.

Yeah, right. How often do we actually made a single decibel when you typed that? Okay, okay! I'm guilty as charged.

I've never used "LOL". Mine was "hehe", and "haha". But the lips are as flat as the horizon. If they goes beyond the second "he" and "ha", I started smiling. With luck, might see some teeth and jerks.

The times when I actually "laugh out loud", with sound, I don't bother to type because I just can't. I'll make sure to enjoy the joke first, settle my cramps, and wipe my tears, if any. I'll shoot a random "hAhAhAHHAhhAhhA" to the joker after. Out of manners and courtesy lah.

It's hard to gauge what the person on the other end feels at times.



"Fuck you lah."



Cursing is common, off- and online. Up to a point the fucks doesn't make any difference at all. Take the above as an example, and interpret it into, say, Malay. It's more like, "Pantatmu~" for all we know. The tilde is there to give it a whimsical tone. How about Cantonese? It could be something along the line of, "Diu nei, mm koi~". So good manners. Tilde for the same effect.

If you are angry, tell me lah. I can't see you. I can't listen to you. Let me know. Stress your angerrrrr. Yes, that's right. Stress it!



"Fuck you lahhhhh!"



With exclamation, if you will!

Talking about punctuation marks, I have a friend who... how should I put it? Rather lazy to press the Shift button and question mark. As if that extra press will uses up most of her energy and strains her muscle. What really annoys me the most when talking to Lei San San is the one-liners. Please note that she came to me.



"Working"

"Oh, okay..."

"Busy"

"Er... okay..."

"I didn't go work today"

"Huh!?"



What are you trying to tell me!? Wait...

Oh! Who would have thought she was actually asking if I'm working and busy!? I've lost count how many times I was mindfucked. And for that many times, I've scolded her.

She is still, the same. Epic.

Ber-Tenaga

Finally, it's all done.

I'm the proud owner of The Home. Mortgage another story lah, of course.

That aside, I'm actually impressed at the professionalism of Tenaga.

No. That was not sarcasm, really.

If you agree, one could loudly say the professionalism in government (linked) departments is a myth - the tidak apa attitude. But after what I have experienced today, it's not an urban legend after all.

Armed with hope, and all required duplicates and forms-filled, we went to the counter only to be disappointed by a system down, halfway processing the transfer. We left the building with a pout and frown.

Barely 5 minutes of driving away from that area, the same staff called. Twice! I missed the first one.



"Our system is back online! You can come back and finished it!"

If you agree again, even if the system is back on, they wouldn't bother to call. Not stereotyping, but true story.

Thumbs up to Ahmad Fazira, if I got the name right. +1 to Tenaga KL-Utara, Sunway Technology Park. And thank you so much for calling back.

On a separate note, I noticed the staffs here are of younger generations. Attentive, and very proactive. Most importantly, also speaks fluent English.

Though good things like these rarely happen, it's worth a pen.

Let this be a record in the Internet.

There is still hope.

Mad Valley

Recently they blocked the road at the south for the construction of don't-know-what-eco-fuck mall and/or an exhibition hall.

Huge diversion of traffic coming in and out of the ring. For those who are not working here, big confusion as they are hesitant in a life-death situation of should-I-turn-or-go-straight moment. That split second creates a wave effect all the way to the adjacent roads around the area.

Monday, like the title suggests, madness! Mad-madness! It was pouring almost the whole day too.

Half an hour into the crawl, I called up Handsome who an hour earlier asked if I wanna have a dinner / drink as he's stuck in the parking - I declined, my bad. Thought the traffic will be better when I leave later - he has just left the barrier at the exit. I then called As Long As Her. She already tak tahan, and went back in the mall.

It took me almost an hour.

An hour from level 6 to level 4A! The ramp of 4A that is. The ramp to level 4 is just a couple of cars away. I can almost smell the paint on the wall of level 4. Almost.

I swerved out the line and park at the first spot I see. Met As Long As Her at Kim and have a drink, while looking at the almost non-moving line of cars.

We left after 9.30-ish.

Some observations throughout the week.

Tuesday. Where is the traffic? Nice!

Wednesday. What is wrong again!? Even worst! People from G and H aren't allow to move over to the Gardens side of the traffic. One, big round to get to wherever you wanted to go. Glad to have stayed up at the office, looking down at the ants.

Thursday. Where the fuck is the traffic? Is there some sort of a game they are playing on us?

Friday. Too drunk to even bother.

For those of you who wants to come over to shop, don't!

It's a trap in here.

Cannot be

"Eh, bro. I gotta go up for a while. Copy check. Be right back."

" 'kay, man."



I continued to chat with the headhunter.

Yes. Half a Macha and yours truly met up with an agent from a reputable, industry talent agency. They dug my details online weeks ago. We've been so caught up with campaigns back to back, haven't got the time to even breathe until now.

I referred him as my partner. To go as team. The interview was not so much of which big boys has opening, but more of an initial get-to-know. First impression thingy lah.

Half a Macha came back not long after.



"Hey, bro! Mama-san wants to see you!"

"Oh, shit..."






























An hour later, I'm back at my cube with a noticeable crescent. I can see Half a Macha's teeth clearly piercing through the dim lights. 12.5 increment for me. Gonna update our salary to the headhunter soon. Anyhow, it's still can not justified the works we have done these couple of years.

We nodded and catch a beer at the end of day. We are still dreaming if we get to step a foot in Brother & Brother abroad.

But did my boss know something's up?

Pure coincidence lah kan?

I'll be (s)watching you

I got my first Swatch 25 years ago. It was a gift from Father.

1987 was also the year I stepped into school. It has been a good companion throughout my primary days. Not to mention, the bragging rights and attention I(t) got - numberless watches are rare then, at least in my memory. Even I can't tell the time correctly. And look at the design. It's in during the mid-80s. No?

Not until recently I found out it's a ladies!

Talking 'bout the mid-midlife crisis, eh? Remember me being a "talent"? Retrostalgia strikes again. I've been searching for it...

I went to collect my Tissot at the Swatch Group this morning before heading to work. The auto-wind went cuckoo recently. Have to masuk kilang a couple of weeks lah. Since I'm there, I asked if they still make old models of Swatches, or had them stored anywhere. Just hoping high lah.

Attractive Attentive Malay lady, by the way. Hmm...

Anyway, they don't.

Swatch only make limited numbers of the same model. Even if you're looking to replace the strap on an older models, it's impossible. Unless you wouldn't mind changing to other strap designs.

Yes. I did write an email to Swatch. Thank you for asking. They tak layan me lah. I have yet to hear from them. I used my work mail, you know? Very professional on my side.

What happened to mine? They are disposable accessories, as quoted in Wiki. It breaks down. The strap snapped. The battery leaked. It turned yellow. Yes! The body is still in this house somewhere the last I saw it!

I guess some things are meant to be carved in memory. But no harm trying, right? I'll bug them again like how I bugged Brand's.

And there's no prize for guessing my age.