Popping the cherry

"Come here..."


"Help me poke..."

"Poke what!?"

"It's too tight! I can't get it in. Please?..."

Yup. I'm starting to be... a little naughty...

"Don't tell me you've never... tried before?"

"(Giving me the stare)... faster lah!"

"Okay, okay. Here... look
... shove it in and out a few times *muka geram expression*... it'll get loose after a while... HAhAhAhhAhAhAhahahAH!"

Everyone burst out laughing the same time.

"(Controlling laugh) What you two poking about?"

"It's her lah! She never poke before!"

Diam-Diam just bought a new phone then.

She can't get the USB cable in.


Close call

"Oh, shit!"

After a game last night, we passed a road block.

I wind down my side windscreens even from cars away; we got... nothing to hide... *Yeah, right!*


"Selamat pagi... assalamualaikum. Dari mane ke mane ni?"

"Sukan, 'cik."

"Sukan? Futsal ke bola jaring?"


"Futsal kat mane ni?"

"'kat Selayang Mall...

"Okay... (gesture to move on)"

"Terima kasih!"

Couple hundreds of meters later,

"Lucky they didn't stop and check the boot!"

"Yeah wei! I almost wanted to say paintball just now... lucky for the sweaty towel around my neck."

"And what the fuck with bola jaring lah!? That's a woman's sport wei!"

"I think he meant basketball lah..."

Paintball marker is categorized as a firearm.

It is illegal to possess one without a license. With the gaining popularity of the game, support from certain government sectors and even the royals,
the law of owning one is getting... blur.

Till then...


Will you now?

Will you date me?, continued.

As promised.

Blacks apply to me. Greys, my thoughts.

There are billions of them in the world, like colors on the screen of your computer
Seriously!? This figure can almost made us the most populated nation. There are also billions of Chinese. Indians. Christians. Muslims. What's the deal here?

They will analyze conversations in layers
Just looking for double meanings. Reading between the lines.

You will spend the day assembling furniture from IKEA
The Pair shifted recently. I was there to help out. While Fun Size is doing the cleaning, Since Primary Two and me were fixing the canvas shoe rack. Give me anything with a step-by-step diagram, I would fix it. Furniture. Toys. Scale models. Anything.

When I was a kid, I used to dismantle perfectly functioning toys, only to fit them back in the end. Everyone thought I will be an engineer one day...

They hate each other
Really!? Should I be worried now? Or should I play politic, first?

They fuck up all the tables with their cutters
Just being lazy to lay something below. We have cutting mats in the office - I rarely cut things on my own desk. My home desk, is fuck up-ed.

They rather study the paisley pattern on your outfit than listen to what you have to say
Not really. Not in real life. But on screen, I focus more on the background than the main object in front. Extras earn more viewings from me.

They make collages with your photos
No! Collages are lame, okay!

They do not know how to add and subtract, they just understand letters
Bullshit. We do scaling for our works. If a designer can't do simple math, they don't deserve to be in the industry.

They idolize people who nobody knows and speak of them as if they were his colleagues
Does Yasmin Ahmad rings a bell? Most people have heard of her, right? Of her local films and commercials fame.

They take pictures almost daily and all are cut in weird shapes
Take pictures, yes. Daily, no. You think I'm that free? Weird shapes, what!? How many of you would actually print photos out? And cut them shapes? How old is this list?

They hate Comic Sans with the same passion they love Helvetica
I've used unimaginable amount of fonts. I used Helvetica a lot. But that's a big difference with being passionate.

I did a commission work for a group of specialist doctors before. It's a paediatric handbook for medical students. Their requirements: Comic Sans for the headings, Arial for the body text. I can live with Arial. I almost shit my pants when they mentioned Comic Sans! Why!? Because they look like colons? "Children" does not means fancy, immature font. This book isn't for parents and children. But for young, budding doctors who are one day be treating me!

doc, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. True story.

But it's good money, though.

They use iPhone for everything, because everyone has one
Because everyone has one, I'm turning the other direction. And I don't fancy techs.

You can not decorate the house without consulting them
I think this apply to most people?

They steal street signs
I have some signs taken from fire stairwells, lifts, car emblems, et cetera. Wonder where are they now. Road signs? No. Not yet.

Always carry their hands painted with something
Just ink from my Artlines lah. I scribble and scamp a lot.

They buy dolls unfinished for them to paint
No, but scale model of cars. I still have one unfinished Tamiya 1/24 Ford GT40 in the box. If it's figurine, I prefer to buy them complete.

They hate Excel
Word sucks too.

They read comics
In newspapers. Sometimes on web.

You will spend the day brainstorming
And night.

On vacation they will take you to countries that you do not know exist and have no beach
I don't know about this. But don't you think places like Tibet, Nepal, Prague, South America interesting? Or the surroundings of Mediterranean. Oh, there are beaches. Anyway, I have not been there, but would love to scale them one day. Who's coming along?

They know more positions than the Kamasutra
Even a sexually active person don't memorize them! I termed this as spontaneous mutual exploration, just like everyone else.

They can’t go to a restaurant without secretly critiquing the menu design
What if the badly taken pictures are all over the place?

They can’t cook a normal dish, they always have to experiment with new ingredients
Instant tom yam noodle with chicken floss and mayonnaise. Freshly peeled banana, dip with icy cold kaya. Milo ais kau with slices of Häagen-Dazs...

They see ordinary objects and laugh
Once in high school, Since Primary Two, Pilot 4+2, me and another friend passed a padang with a lone baby papaya tree. Very short. With only one huge fruit dangling at the top. We laughed at that! And not all of us are artistic. It's the crowd you mixed with lah.

You wake up in the middle of the night hearing them screaming “When is the deadline?”
Mine was more of a "Fuck, it's due!"

They see CMYK and RGB like Neo sees the Matrix
Not to that extend. But it's a requirement by all designers. The colour space are different. Never be mix.

They dream of the day nobody will make a single change to their designs
It came true! The Cinema gave us two jobs, back to back. The ideas and concepts were the same throughout! We were the lucky few, really. I don't count revisions as changes.

They are always sleepy because they work 24/7
No lah! I still have a life! But I am sleepy now.

So? Will you?

Who came up with this list anyway?


How eye see it

Shortsighted, me.

No. Not that kind of shortsighted. I wear glasses.

I take them out when I sleep, bathe, and during intimate moments with my girls. I will spare the details on the intimacies. It's not that I know how to swim, but I take them out in the pool. But I wear them with my race helmet on. I wear them with my paintball mask.

The last I checked, my left was -5.xx, nearly a -6.00. My right, a mid -1.xx.

My better right overlaps the left.

The closest replication of my vision.

It wasn't that bad, really.

I have a feet of perfect vision without my specs on. I still can see the small little things I dropped with my eyes squint and bending over. I can see any objects, moving or stationary, but not the details. Driving? I do wipe / blow them while flooring the accel.

There's this one time, Once a Turbo playfully flicked water to my face. I told him off, and gave him a deadly stare. After that many years of wearing one, they are a part of me. They are my eyes.

Don't mess with it.


Image from Getty Images

These are what really pisses me off.

Glasses without lenses, or power. What are those? Some kinda fashion statement? Which is? Yeah, you look cute. Stupid at the same time. You are like wearing a mask, not a glasses. Are you hiding some kind of a birth defect? Or boosting your low self esteem?

It is not fun to wear them at all. A drop of water, you'll need to clean it. Same goes to
dust. Steam. Fog. Fingerprints. Grease. Sauce. Oil. And it's tedious.

Take a look at the same model without it.
Do you think she need one?

Image from Getty Images

One of the sweetest girl I've seen!

Shortsighted is a form of handicapped.

I was fortunate enough to have a slight blurred vision. To some, their power is so high, it would be termed as visually impaired. If you have Photoshop, open an image, go to Filter, select Gaussian Blur, drag the slider to 100. That's how they see the world. Respect that.

Before you wear them again, think.