The law of attraction

Recent years, things have been happening to, and around me. Things which are deemed as unfortunate. Unlucky. Bad. Mishap. Et cetera. The negatives. They peaked towards year end.

If you have been reading my scribbles long enough, you may already know I was mugged outside my house more than a year ago.

Weeks later, I slipped in the bathroom. I use my forearm to lean against the door frame from falling,
as a reflex. Scraped my arm all the way down as I fall. My right foot went under that small gap of the plastic door. My arm now, is permanently scarred with a two-inch shadowy mark.

On New Year's eve, stupidity struck. I slotted my ATM card into an out-of-service machine without having to look first. Idiot.

Things hasn't been going well of late.

Zoky is seeing someone recently. My heart stopped when she broke that out to me. I felt the cut. Really. But as sad as I can be, I gave her my full support. As a close friend. Sis case has brought us much sadness and tears.

These things have been constantly playing in my mind. Affecting my work, tremendously. For the past weeks, I couldn't churn out any good ideas for my work. I'm struggling to work thrice as hard now to compensate those mediocre. And I'm thrice as exhausted. Physically, and mentally.

I got into a minor accident not long ago. It was raining. An MPV stopped at a fork of the road. As I was passing the fork on the right, behind two cars in a safe proximate, he decided to swerve out after the 2nd. I avoided that bastard, with just inches left for us to kiss. As the result, I skidded and hit the door-height divider on my side. He didn't even bother to stop. I gave that fucker a chase. I quit after some time. The MPV was from
the land down south.

No worries. I'm fine.

After experiencing one bad thing after another in a short span of just couple of months, they seriously bring down the spirit. At times when I'm alone to myself, my thoughts bent. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'm down. I'm angry. I'm pissed. I sighed. I yelled. I cried. Zoky texted me after I told her about them.

"Be careful, 'kay? Better do something to bring away your bad luck. Keep an upbeat mind. The law of attraction works."

Maybe it does. I've been thinking about them too much. Kinda like "expecting" them to come every year. So much, these things came to me unknowingly. Maybe. I know, I shouldn't be so negative. But worry not. It will just be temporary. I will rise. I will stand. Firm. And fight to the end.

As I believed, there's always sunlight after the rain.

Maybe rainbows too.

In case I don't see you, Merry (belated) Christmas, and Happy New Year.


The painful hour

"Uncle, I miss you all. Tell Mama and Koko too."

Reading that, I held on as hard as I could. Not to burst a tear.

Sis texted Father earlier. She then called, weeping. Begging us to let her come back. The hardest part is lying to her that she is not our responsibility anymore. To us, she still is. Not the same like before, but in a more abstract manner.
It's not up to us to decide now.

I woke up at 10, after a 3-hour doze. Everyone's awake. Preparing to send her off later in the noon. Bro left for work earlier. For almost an hour when I'm still in the house, I didn't say a word. Didn't even look her in the eyes. I was pretending the whole time that I didn't care.
I hurried myself, and left to work.

That was one of the most painful time I had in years.


Closing a chapter

I laid my eyes the first time I held you.

Your eyes were closed. Your mouth slightly ajar suckling the air, making an almost inaudible sound. As if you are talking to me. That scent from you. That little limb movements here and there. And with that little tongue you trying to put out, was one of the loveliest thing I've seen.

We brought cousin sister up over the years.

Aunt dropped by once in a while to see her. Sometimes, would bring her home for a little of that mother-daughter time. Some years later, Aunt left to The States to make a living due to some problems she's facing here. She is not leaving her daughter. She will be back to get her when the time is right. She promised. And we know she would. Over the years, Aunt called back every other day to check on her. Recently, web chats.

After all these years she's been living with us, she's no more a niece, she's no more a cousin. She was more like a daughter, and sister to us. She was here for more than half of my life. Carved a quarter of my parents'. Two-third of Bro's. To my friends, she's always "... my sister...". To them, it's always
"... your sister...".

Barely 40cm in length cuddled up, three kilos or so
when she was brought here. As fragile and soft as any babies Mother had babysit before. The difference is, she was brought home a few-day-old.

Seeing her getting her vision. Sitting up on her own. Speaking her first word. Smiling. Giggling. Crawling. Clumsily balancing her first step. Running. Crying. Joking, teasing, and laughing at everything under the sun. I honestly couldn't describe how I feel.

Every moment of seeing her growing up is magical. Yet, very frustrating.

Studies used to be good. She was one of the top in her class during Primary. If not the school. Come Secondary, her results dropped year by year, to one of the top in her class, backward. We start to wonder. Was it the syllabus? Was it the crowd she mixed with? Or was it you were overly pampered by us?

What had gotten in you? Turning from a sweet innocent girl, to a disrespectful brat. From good to bad, and now, to worst. You started lying. Speaking rudely. Yelling. Cheating. Getting away from punishments. By tricking us into your sweet elaborate stories. Skipping classes. Skipping school. Smoking. Stealing money. Sneaking out at night. Sneaking out the cars.

We didn't bring you up like this!

Was it my parents fault? Was it your parents fault? Or was it my fault? Of not doing enough to stop my parents and Aunt for pampering you too much? Of not doing enough to refrain them from giving you too much? Was it?

Over, and over again, you disappoint us. Over, and over again, we let it go. For so many times you claimed you regretted what you have did, but as that many times you turn your back on us. One after another, you still hasn't change.

You are at its worst now. Up to a point, I even thought you are best changed if something really bad would have happened to you. A big one that you'll really regret it for the rest of your life. I know I shouldn't. I cried myself for thinking like this. I'm not suppose to cloud my mind. I couldn't help it. It was all at the back of my head. I don't know which is true anymore. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm lost. And I seriously don't hope you are digging your own grave for that.

Sooner or later, she will have to leave us. But I'm not expecting it to be like this.

A decision has to be made. For your own good. To start a new leaf in life. Over a discussion between Aunt, the husband, and us, you will have to go. Tomorrow, we are sending her off to the father. A decision that is as hard to make as letting go. As deeply cut and painful like a blunt rusty knife digging the open wound.

For that much we have poured our love, for that much we have wept.

Closing a seventeen years chapter isn't easy for us.


Not. Again.

I hate it when this happened.

It was just, what... less than an hour? Even that four bottles of Tiger shared earlier among Father and
Bro won't do justice.

What wakes me up? I need sleep!

I know what you are thinking. Might as well I try to get some sleep? I did. For an hour I did exactly that. Rolling from right to left, then back to right, then leftrightleftrightleftrightleftrightleftright. Wrapping me self like a
popiah, no... cocoon.

Less than 4 hours before the Alien Ant Farm's Smooth Criminal rings.

Smelling the Monday blues now.



Textured paper for illustration purposes only. I do not own it.
I only did the text.

I escaped.

Tak boleh lah! I've worked through the wee hours. I'm not gonna stay an extra few so that I can see the opening of shops downstairs. I seriously in need of a good rest before my presentation end of that day.

That's a record time from the "mission" started to the lobby downstairs. Another fifteen to get home. It would be faster if Slow White Poke isn't going 0-100 in forever, floored.

Guess what the "general" said when I'm back to work at lunch.


I did

It is by fate that I got to know you.

It is by feel that I am fond of you.

It is by choice that I hold on.

I know where I stand.

I knew.

I should let go.


Two walls drilled

I promised Diam-Diam a favour to put up a shelf at her place last weekend. As I have all the necessary tools. Electric drill. Hammer. Screwdriver. Et cetera.

We I missed it. Was out straight after work till the wee hours the night before, and I forgot to switch on the ringer before I hit the bed. It was still on silent when I woke up in the noon with 3 missed calls from her. So, try to make it up to her later. She asked earlier midweek when I'll be going over.

I posted on her wall instead.

Shelf's up yesterday. She treated me a KFC meal before we start work. Need some strength also mah. And 2 cups of ice-chilled green tea to go along with my drilling. I'm satisfied with my workmanship. But she's so fussy lah. Banyak complain.

What you expect from IKEA?


Tied for life

The last I wore a tie was nearly ten years ago.

Thursday was the Wear-a-Tie day. A theme that Shades came up with the B2B's associate director during one late-afternoon-beer session. It must have been the beers; look at what they can do to you.

We are to wear a business suit, or at least, shirt and tie.

Why can't we have an Adam-&-Eve, or Lingerie-Nightie day? That would really boost up the morale. Or hormone. Whichever you prefers. How about As-If-We-Are-At-Work day? Or I'm-Actually-At-My-Desk-But-You-Can't-See-Me day? Lullaby day would be great too - wearing pyjamas or boxers. Can you imagine how comfy is that from the air sipping in under your balls boxers? I'm tingling just by having that thought.

I was searching for them at home, but found Father's collection instead. Those with wide end type. Just nice for a retro look. What surprised me was, I still know how to wear them. Even at the back of my head. It wasn't perfect on the first try, but the steps are in correct order.

I did a dimpled Windsor knot.

The wardrobe-disaster-that-got-me-a-3rd-place list:
Purple tie with diagonal pink stripes, from Suave.
Neutral beige shirt with vertical light blue stripes, from Arrow Mitoga.
Watch, from Citizen.
Coffee brown pants, from Padini Authentics.
Black & white shoes, from Converse.

Hope no one is jealous of my wardrobe choice comes 5 o'clock when the building management switches off the centralized air-cond.

More themes are in the planning now.

Wearing a tie is just like fishing - once you've learned how to do it, you can do it for the rest of your life. What say you?