I let go. Again.

Met Banana today.

She looked exactly the same the last I saw her more than a year ago. Skinny body frame; almost too skinny to have the front and back visible through the loose black dress. Long straight hair. Indistinct voice and laugh (Har!? What? Speak louder la, please!). Same old, same old. Oh, took off the braces already?

She suggested a Thai restaurant nearby. As usual, the makan-minum-ing and other catching ups came along. After enjoying devouring the last piece of pandan chicken, I suggested to have some coffee instead of scaling the mall. "Too lazy to walk la after makan."

There's a lot to talk about. Hopefully not to miss out what had changed in this year. Being a very close friend to Her and me, she's very concerned.

"Have you let Her go? Fully?"

I knew this gonna come. I knew I can't get away from this. Just when.



"Yes."



Back then, I thought I let Her go already; after spending the night looking at each photos taken throughout the years; wetting my cheeks; laughing, and smiling at each; archiving them. Over the year, I kept telling myself, I had let go. Each time I said that, there's a sharp pain deep inside.



For the first time, I've answered this again.
Without telling just to myself.
Without doubt.