Love, hate, love-hate

One of the most excited time in months.

I have a date with Hitam Manis! Not a set up, but a date!

Having mixed feeling of excitements jumbled up into one lump on the way to her place. Of happiness and hope. Uncertainties and worries. Our first official date! She must have a slight interest to go out with me. Ada chance, ada chance.

Will it turn out well? How do I look? Have I forgot to bring anything? Must remember to open the door for her! Be myself. Don't forget to say hi. And don't screw this up, Birthmark!

She wasn't there when I reached. Okay, okay. Girls being late is normal. I can wait. But I can't wait. Wow, when's the last time I had this feeling? Reminiscing the time with my ex. It was that long ago. That explains it. Shit! Sweaty palm! Not at this time! Where's the pack of tissue I bought the other day!?

Okay. Last minute... no, final checklist.

Things are gonna be fine. You are a confident lad, Birthmark. Look at the stuffs you produced at work. Look at how you nailed concepts. Look at how you bring yourself to people. You'll do just great!

I know! But when it comes to girl I like, I shy away. Argh!

I think I'm in love.

After a while I'm starting to get worry. Where is she lah? I scout around. She's no where in sight. I drove around the area. Oh, come on. Don't tell me it's just a prank. She's not that kind that would trick a guy like this. Not that I've heard of.

Just then, my phone rang.



"Birthmark! Hitam Manis is in the police station!"



What. The. Fuck!? What happened!?

Cut the story short.

Crime-solving rate in that area is extremely low. Police are looking for people to admit on crimes they did not commit! They are looking for scapegoats! Fuck them! Seriously! This is one of the reason why I never trust the force. I'm so fucking pissed and angry up to a point I almost snap and cry.

Got to call some people from the legal department, big shots, and "good" police from other units & branches. To sort things out. After much hoohas and picket outside the balai, she was released. Untouched, but noticeably shaken and worn out.

We parted home soon after.

I can't recall if we've have actually spoken to each other that much during the whole thing. Too tired to even remember.

I sent her a text later.



"I'm very worried about you. Hope you're fine. Don't worry about our date. We can still plan for other time. Will call you later. Sleep well and take care."



If there is even a "next time". Maybe she think I'm a jinx. There goes another chance. Like I've expected, I've screwed.

I looked at the time on my phone.

8:58 am.










I laughed out loud after gaining my consciousness.

What a relief! I'm glad that nothing actually happen to her. On the other hand, I am as pissed as ever. I've brought with me the emotions from my slumber. There were no date after all. The corrupted force. And the whole context of dreams.

I seldom dream. Makes me exhausted and moody the next day even I have adequate amount of sleep. Even how sweet a dream was. I am! For the whole day I'm in a semi-high mode. Piss-y. A little hot-tempered.

Aside from from these, I got job reqs on top of other job reqs. Urgencies on top of emergencies. Made things worst.

Zoky texted me somewhere mid day.



"Birthmark, I'm in a relationship again. I need to tell you this. You are the second one to know after my mum. I will not forget about you. I will always be there when you need me as you stand a place in my life..."



One after another...