Closing a chapter

I laid my eyes the first time I held you.

Your eyes were closed. Your mouth slightly ajar suckling the air, making an almost inaudible sound. As if you are talking to me. That scent from you. That little limb movements here and there. And with that little tongue you trying to put out, was one of the loveliest thing I've seen.



We brought cousin sister up over the years.

Aunt dropped by once in a while to see her. Sometimes, would bring her home for a little of that mother-daughter time. Some years later, Aunt left to The States to make a living due to some problems she's facing here. She is not leaving her daughter. She will be back to get her when the time is right. She promised. And we know she would. Over the years, Aunt called back every other day to check on her. Recently, web chats.

After all these years she's been living with us, she's no more a niece, she's no more a cousin. She was more like a daughter, and sister to us. She was here for more than half of my life. Carved a quarter of my parents'. Two-third of Bro's. To my friends, she's always "... my sister...". To them, it's always "... your sister...".

Barely 40cm in length cuddled up, three kilos or so when she was brought here. As fragile and soft as any babies Mother had babysit before. The difference is, she was brought home a few-day-old.

Seeing her getting her vision. Sitting up on her own. Speaking her first word. Smiling. Giggling. Crawling. Clumsily balancing her first step. Running. Crying. Joking, teasing, and laughing at everything under the sun. I honestly couldn't describe how I feel.

Every moment of seeing her growing up is magical. Yet, very frustrating.

Studies used to be good. She was one of the top in her class during Primary. If not the school. Come Secondary, her results dropped year by year, to one of the top in her class, backward. We start to wonder. Was it the syllabus? Was it the crowd she mixed with? Or was it you were overly pampered by us?

What had gotten in you? Turning from a sweet innocent girl, to a disrespectful brat. From good to bad, and now, to worst. You started lying. Speaking rudely. Yelling. Cheating. Getting away from punishments. By tricking us into your sweet elaborate stories. Skipping classes. Skipping school. Smoking. Stealing money. Sneaking out at night. Sneaking out the cars.

We didn't bring you up like this!

Was it my parents fault? Was it your parents fault? Or was it my fault? Of not doing enough to stop my parents and Aunt for pampering you too much? Of not doing enough to refrain them from giving you too much? Was it?

Over, and over again, you disappoint us. Over, and over again, we let it go. For so many times you claimed you regretted what you have did, but as that many times you turn your back on us. One after another, you still hasn't change.

You are at its worst now. Up to a point, I even thought you are best changed if something really bad would have happened to you. A big one that you'll really regret it for the rest of your life. I know I shouldn't. I cried myself for thinking like this. I'm not suppose to cloud my mind. I couldn't help it. It was all at the back of my head. I don't know which is true anymore. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm lost. And I seriously don't hope you are digging your own grave for that.

Sooner or later, she will have to leave us. But I'm not expecting it to be like this.

A decision has to be made. For your own good. To start a new leaf in life. Over a discussion between Aunt, the husband, and us, you will have to go. Tomorrow, we are sending her off to the father. A decision that is as hard to make as letting go. As deeply cut and painful like a blunt rusty knife digging the open wound.

For that much we have poured our love, for that much we have wept.

Closing a seventeen years chapter isn't easy for us.

Not. Again.

I hate it when this happened.

It was just, what... less than an hour? Even that four bottles of Tiger shared earlier among Father and Bro won't do justice.

What wakes me up? I need sleep!

I know what you are thinking. Might as well I try to get some sleep? I did. For an hour I did exactly that. Rolling from right to left, then back to right, then leftrightleftrightleftrightleftrightleftright. Wrapping me self like a popiah, no... cocoon.

Less than 4 hours before the Alien Ant Farm's Smooth Criminal rings.

Smelling the Monday blues now.

Echo-Victor-Alpha-Charlie-Uniform-Alpha-Tango-Echo

Textured paper for illustration purposes only. I do not own it.
I only did the text.



I escaped.

Tak boleh lah! I've worked through the wee hours. I'm not gonna stay an extra few so that I can see the opening of shops downstairs. I seriously in need of a good rest before my presentation end of that day.

That's a record time from the "mission" started to the lobby downstairs. Another fifteen to get home. It would be faster if Slow White Poke isn't going 0-100 in forever, floored.

Guess what the "general" said when I'm back to work at lunch.

I did

It is by fate that I got to know you.

It is by feel that I am fond of you.

It is by choice that I hold on.

I know where I stand.

I knew.

I should let go.

Two walls drilled

I promised Diam-Diam a favour to put up a shelf at her place last weekend. As I have all the necessary tools. Electric drill. Hammer. Screwdriver. Et cetera.

We I missed it. Was out straight after work till the wee hours the night before, and I forgot to switch on the ringer before I hit the bed. It was still on silent when I woke up in the noon with 3 missed calls from her. So, try to make it up to her later. She asked earlier midweek when I'll be going over.

I posted on her wall instead.







Shelf's up yesterday. She treated me a KFC meal before we start work. Need some strength also mah. And 2 cups of ice-chilled green tea to go along with my drilling. I'm satisfied with my workmanship. But she's so fussy lah. Banyak complain.

What you expect from IKEA?

Tied for life

The last I wore a tie was nearly ten years ago.

Thursday was the Wear-a-Tie day. A theme that Shades came up with the B2B's associate director during one late-afternoon-beer session. It must have been the beers; look at what they can do to you.

We are to wear a business suit, or at least, shirt and tie.

Why can't we have an Adam-&-Eve, or Lingerie-Nightie day? That would really boost up the morale. Or hormone. Whichever you prefers. How about As-If-We-Are-At-Work day? Or I'm-Actually-At-My-Desk-But-You-Can't-See-Me day? Lullaby day would be great too - wearing pyjamas or boxers. Can you imagine how comfy is that from the air sipping in under your balls boxers? I'm tingling just by having that thought.

I was searching for them at home, but found Father's collection instead. Those with wide end type. Just nice for a retro look. What surprised me was, I still know how to wear them. Even at the back of my head. It wasn't perfect on the first try, but the steps are in correct order.

I did a dimpled Windsor knot.




The wardrobe-disaster-that-got-me-a-3rd-place list:
Purple tie with diagonal pink stripes, from Suave.
Neutral beige shirt with vertical light blue stripes, from Arrow Mitoga.
Watch, from Citizen.
Coffee brown pants, from Padini Authentics.
Black & white shoes, from Converse.



Hope no one is jealous of my wardrobe choice comes 5 o'clock when the building management switches off the centralized air-cond.

More themes are in the planning now.



Wearing a tie is just like fishing - once you've learned how to do it, you can do it for the rest of your life. What say you?

The Lady

In The Ladies, continued.

I went closer to Zoky.

Grabbed some tissues as I moved away from her. While I'm wiping my hands, I wiped my thoughts, whatever that is. I am still breathing as deep. My heart is still pounding as hard. I quickly grabbed the door handle, and held it open to wait for her. I catch a glimpse of air as soon as we left the toilet.

We parted with a goodnight after I sent her home.

Conscience 1: What the fuck!? You are most stupidest man alive! You go talk to him!
Conscience 2: I'm not asking you to... sigh... forget it.





She is a very good friend that I've known for a while.

Over the time, we have built friendship and respects. A bond that only we know. It's just a fine line of crossing over to the wrong side. It confuses me at times. I can't deny I am fond of her. But I don't want it to start this way. And definitely don't want it to end like this.

Not in this situation.

Not in this place.

Not now.

In The Ladies

Sneaking in The Ladies, continued.

Not so much of a difference, besides there is no standing urinal for man. It's clear of ciggy smell too. Since I'm already here, might as well I relieve myself. There are two cubicles. She went into one, I went in the other.

We started talking through the wall.



"You pee so loud!"

"(Chuckle) Yeah! Even my friends said I pee like a guy."

"High pressure..."



We emptied our bladder, and got out.

She washes her hands on the left, I stood on the right. I then looked up through her reflection on the mirror. Tracing her contour from the belly up. To her cleavage, then her collarbones. The shadow fell just at the right place on her neck from the yellow lights above. Oh, that lips of hers...

Zoky then looked up.

I met her eyes, and gave her a smile. She smiled back. She seems to be blushing. But for sure I am. Why is my heart pounding so violently? Why are my ears burning? My head is spinning. Oh, no. Please don't black out now.

I took a deeper breath.

Conscience 1: Chances like these don't always happen. Do it!
Conscience 2: No! Don't! Please, no!

Please forgive me...

Sneaking in The Ladies

Sneaked in The Ladies yesterday, continued.

Zoky recalled the stories that Diam-Diam told her of the weird happenings and unknown entities lingering around on our floor. She was afraid to go in the ladies, even I told her it was okay. Even said I will be around.

She asked me to accompany her. Inside.

I didn't want to. Instead, told her I will stand outside the door. Not budging a move. Wait for her. And keep talking through the wall. I must have the worst persuasion skill when it comes to this. She still refused to.

Seeing her not feeling comfortable, I gave in.

Though everyone had left the office, I still looked around before my entry. I don't want to make it so grand lah.

And we went in...

Sneaked in The Ladies yesterday

With Zoky...